Habit 4, Think Win-Win, The Laws of Love and the Laws of Life

Author’s quotes:

“When we make deposits of unconditional love, when we live the primary laws of love, we encourage others to live the primary laws of life. In other words, when we truly love others without condition, without strings, we help them feel secure and safe and validated and affirmed in their essential worth, identity, and integrity. Their natural growth process is encouraged. We make it easier for them to live the laws of life—cooperation, contribution, self-discipline, integrity—and to discover and live true to the highest and best within them. We give them the freedom to act on their own inner imperatives rather than react to our condition and limitations. This does not mean we become permissive or soft. That itself is a massive withdrawal. We counsel, we plead, we set limits and consequences. But we love, regardless.

When we violate the primary laws of love—when we attach strings and conditions to that gift—we actually encourage others to violate the primary laws of life. We put them in a reactive, defensive position where they feel they have to prove ‘I matter as a person, independent of you.’

In reality, they aren’t independent. They are counter-dependent, which is another form of dependency and is at the lowest end of the Maturity Continuum. They become reactive, almost enemy-centered, more concerned about defending their ‘right’ and producing evidence of their individuality than they are about proactively listening to and honoring their own inner imperatives.

Rebellion is a knot of the heart, not of the mind. The is key to make deposits—constant deposits of unconditional love.”

Personal comments:

Over many years as a Human Resource professional, I’ve witnessed violations of the primary laws of unconditional love. Managers commit it in many ways, but mainly by their inability to affirm employees’ worth. The results were employees who were reactive, defensive, fearful, and viewed management as autocratic (e.g., “I’m king/queen and you serve me”), causing limited communication, cooperation, and productivity.

Why is it that management, in most cases, are incapable of fulfilling their basic responsibilities of leadership? Is it caused by how they are/were managed, or is it caused by those making the hiring decisions? Is it selfishness, lack of interest, politics, or maybe it’s the, “I don’t give a darn about leadership principles” mentality? Whatever the cause remember leaders take the responsibility to learn the skills of a leader, practice them, and take them to heart.

“Leaders are like eagles; they don’t flock; you find them one at a time”

Next: Habit 4
Think Win-Win
Six Paradigms Of Human Interaction

Author: maxbinkley

Creator of Leadership to the Max My experience in the military helped set the career path for me in human resources. After the military I worked for The Dow Chemical Company and left there in 1993 to venture out on my own. I purchased a small business, then a franchise then started another business in semi-retirement.

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